A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
