no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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