I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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