Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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