went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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