ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize