roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Someone signed my nipple.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
