If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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