Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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