That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well I just put wine in my tea
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize