Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
