it wasn't lemon gatorade
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
