I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
