So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
