Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
