Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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