I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
