How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
