did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
