he puts the penis in happiness.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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