JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
