I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
