Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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