I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize