I'm eating all of the evidence.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
