i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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