Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
