just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
