I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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