NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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