my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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