a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
