My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I still have a little drunk in my system
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
