She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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