i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
