1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
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