i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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