she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
