The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize