hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize