Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
