what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
40s are totally the cure
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
