mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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