two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
