How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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