Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
