i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
