Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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