dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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