Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
