When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
