Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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