Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
