Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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