Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
