You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
