Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
