I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize