So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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