***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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