I hate your face
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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