After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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