Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
