Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
