first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
