As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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