I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
