I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
