i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
