you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
