just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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