My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so that wasnt chicken after all
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
