But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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