He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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