he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
