to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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