somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize