oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
