i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
