actually, I'm a sock model
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
