It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
