So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize