Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
