Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
