You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
