Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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