Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My vagina just recognized that song.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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