So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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