Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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