i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
