THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
