i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
