We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
