things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
